Dear Peerless Deities,I am writing on behalf of my Socio-economic demographic to complain about your handling of my happiness.
Normally I would not bother to take such action, however it has come to my attention of late that there has been a total lack of concern for the details that affect my life, and the lives of countless others.
Therefore, I feel the time has come to speak up on behalf of my group in the hope that you and your kind will sort out these discrepancies in fair practice as soon as possible.
I have listed below a number of the complaints that have come to my attention.
You will note that there appears in some places to be a theme, and I can only surmise, on your behalf, that the reason for this apparent " Sameness" is due to some enormous oversight in the planning and implementation of your so called 'Grand Plan'.
We are, after all, merely mortal.
Yours be the glory etc etc etc..........
Before I get to the list, however, might I just point out that it is not for lack of effort that we- the so called 'Top Ten Percent' - find ourselves in this predicament.
A straw poll conducted by myself and countless others over the past couple of decades has uncovered an almost unparallelled desire and motivation to sort out the question of 'happiness' ourselves.
Personally I have tried Yoga, Self-Help Books,Self Absorption Books, The Desilverer Method, Landing Marks, Sex, Drugs, Alcohol,Lymphatic Drainage,Extra-marital affairs, Having Sex with 24 Year Olds, Having Sex with 80 Year Olds,Meditation, Reiki, Re-Earthing, Re-Birthing and, for a brief period, the Church Of Later Day Late Comers.
All to no avail.
Amongst my friends there are those who have also tried such methods as Silent Retreating, Primordial Screaming, Star Gazing, Shopping, food, Plastic Surgery, Navel Gazing, Plastic Navel Gazing, Career Changing,Guru Worshipping, Bowel Flushing, House Buying, Really Big House Buying and Goat Sacrifice.
None of it seems to work.
It's as if our desire for happiness is kept deliberately out of reach, and for this, I am afraid, the blame must fall entirely on you.
Because it is not without a certain sense of cruel irony that we observe happiness in others, even amongst those not considered in the 'Top Ten Percent'.
Quite how, or even why, a poorer and less educated person would achieve this state is difficult to imagine, and must therefore be the work of some external force such as yourselves.
In my case, for example, having been born into a middle class family in a free and democratic society and having been blessed with good health, an amount of intelligence and being granted a well funded Tertiary Education, the fact that I must clutch at straws to feel fulfilled is both an anathema and an insult to me.
Why can't I just be happy?
Is it too much to ask?
Why does everyone else get to be happy and I don't?
It's not fair.
I pay my taxes.
I want to be happy like everyone else.
When is it going to be MY turn?
I'm ALWAYS the last one to get ANYTHING nice.
All my life, everyone else has had it easier than me.
I was NEVER the favourite.
It's because my mother never REALLY wanted me, she wanted someone else to be me.
When I was growing up I was NEVER picked first, and when I was, it was only because everyone felt sorry for me.
Everyone else gets everything they want all of the time, they just get it given to them, and they don't even care.
I want more things, and I want more things that make me happy.
I want you to make me happy.
I want you to give me happiness.
I want you to fix it.
I want you to fix ME.
I want you to fix me NOW!!!
And if you don't, I'm going to hold my breath until I turn 60.
And then you will be sorry.
All of you.
I will be away from my desk for a week as I am spending some quality time with my new life partner ( 4th attempt at commitment, wish me luck).
We will be backpacking through Touristastan with a group of Vegetarian Namibian Buddhist Jesuits. The days will involve walking through villages and giving pens to poor children. Nighttime will be centered around marvelling at the lack of facilities in a 3 star hotel, and buying rip off DVD's in street markets.
It's all terribly bohem.
Therefore, when you reply to this message you can either send me an email- I have my Satellite Blackberry and i-phone, or you can just leave your number with my P.A and I will call you on my return.
Cheers,
Robust W. Anker.
P.S- It appears I have not included a 'LIST' per se, but I will do that later today as I am running late for my Pyramid Scheme Shareholders Meeting.
R.W.A.
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