Reality TV and Me

It's true confession time.
I like TV.
I do.
I like TV for lots of reasons.
It keeps me company, I learn stuff, it allows me to not think when I need to not think, and there are other reasons less exciting than those.
Lately I have discovered Reality TV....like I said in a previous post....I am a late adopter....
Now, living where I live means I am not bound to national loyalties. I can watch neighbors change interiors in 3 different accents in the one evening.
I have no set time for watching TV, so keeping abreast of who is doing what to whom in terms of people stuck in remote regions does nothing for me, but I do like discovering that other peoples junk can be turned into Dollars/Krona/ Euros/ Pounds in the blink of an auction.
As for restaurant trauma shows, there really is no end to the number of exasperated head chefs, crumbling amateurs and bunches of torn arugula appearing on the small screen from every single corner and bolt hole all over the world.
They make compulsive viewing.
They make almost as compulsive viewing as the make-over shows. Be it plastic surgery, a 6 week workout, or a dose of life coaching, nothing sucks me into an hour on the couch with the cat faster than a voice over asking me to " watch as she turns her life around".
" Yes" I say "I'm there. Let me see her naked, and forced to eat broccoli.Let me bear witness to her confronting her overbearing husband, her fear of spiders, her 4th grade bullies. I will weep with her as she wears purple for the first time since she was 18, I will tingle as the bandages come off, I will sigh as she goes on a first date 10 years after her divorce. I am the great voyeur.Let me watch her real life unfold on my flat screen and let me dream of the day when I too turn my life around with the help of a sexually ambiguous stylist and a pair of Spanx"
Now, before you get all 'thing' about the last sentence, just let me put on record that I quite like my life, and where I am in it.
I feel no great desire to be on the telly, and I actually nearly bought a pair of Spanx just the other day, WITHOUT the assistance of a fully grown man in a hoop skirt and pink cardigan.
My point is, with 100 or so channels to choose from, I find myself these days flicking between the 7 or so that offer me the inside view of others peoples lives, and it has me hooked.
It's gotten to the point where I can pretty much guess just how many pounds/years/furniture she is going to offload before the opening credits finish. But still I sit glued, just to make sure.
So, if you are wondering where I am, I'm watching TV.
I will take your call, after she has spoken to her mum/therapist/lawyer/dead uncle/fitness instructor/nutritionist/creditors/potential ex-boyfriend.
Until then, you will have to deal with reality on your own.

Look...it's not you.....it's me........

I promise this will not become a place for me to vent my frustration at the idiocy of the fine people of planet Earth....rinse......lather.....repeat.....
It goes like this...

"Hi so-in-so, it's Wendy"

"Oh Hi Wendy, how are you?"

"Great, look, I'm just checking up on the status of the invoice I submitted to your behemoth fucking company 6 weeks ago" - OK, not like that but in my head it was like that-

"Oh, yeah, I sent it over to accounts yesterday 'cause I don't give a flying fuck about you or your small business, or the people who rely on you to pay them on time. Shit, if I cared about that sort of thing I would have gone into business for myself instead of sitting in gods waiting room of said behemoth business for the next 5 years until I marry a rich banker and start pumping out alimony cheques every second year" - once again- not an ACTUAL transcript-

" Oh, well, I was hoping that seeing as I submitted it early, because I know what a dumb bitch you are, you might have moved a little bit faster on it this time, instead of sitting on your arse all day which, might I just say will not aid you in securing your balding boring as batshit banker babymaker unless he likes thunderthighs with his stupid"- By now I think you know-

"Oh yeah, well, it's been so crazy busy here, so just get off my fucking back about it OK 'cause if I gave a toss I would let you know.It will go through next week now,will that be soon enough you whinging ant?"

"That will be great, you lying, lazy piece of shit "

"Great, speak soon. Bye whore"

"Bye, bitch"

I PROMISE this will not become.........

A whole New World

Here it is, the brave new world of blogging- I know- I'm late to the party. Perhaps a little unfashionably late. And I may be wearing the wrong shoes.
No matter, it's better to come late, than not to come at all yes?
I would like to take this minute to thank the ancestors- not my own obviously, I don't even know who they are- but other peoples ancestors who needed to have their graves swept today,and thus allowed me to veg out at home watching trash TV and wondering why I didn't have a blogspot.
Cheers guys. I owe you. Also, thank you to my neighbors who have played Mah Jong non stop since Friday, thus reminding me that there are others who have equally exciting lives as mine.