Everyone's a critic- all critics are cunts

Ah, the armchair critic.
Jack of all tirades, master of none.
Like a mosquito with a lisp, the armchair critic stands out as that creature for whom evolution seems superfluous.

In fact the world is full of species, concepts and trends that have reached the end of their natural potential and have simply not recognised the signs.

Pandas are worthy of mention.

They don't like to have sex, they can only eat one thing, they serve no purpose other than to look cute, and for that the earth has a goodly abundance.

Happy pants are another.

Those trousers that are puffy and loose with elastic at the waist and ankles, and that come in a variety of cheap materials painted in fake batik colours and patterns.

They suit no one.

They make thin people look fat and fat people look worse.

Pointless.

As for concepts, well, where do I start?

Many a war has been started over such non sensible arguments, that I am almost reluctant to open that can of worms for fear of being over whelmed by worms.

How about " My God is bigger/better/more loving/less forgiving/more real than yours because he spoke to me by entering my head/writing on stones/ talking in dreams/appearing on TV/taking the shape of an animal/jumping out from behind a burning bush and or car."

You see how wormy this gets.

But religion is not in my sights today, armchair critics are.

I meet them along the road at almost predictable interludes.

"Wendy, I have one suggestion for you..........."

"Wendy, the thing about what you are doing is......"

"Wendy, you are really terribly stupid and here is a list of all the things about you that suck and this is why.Get comfortable, this may take a while........."

Cheers big ears ( actually in that case 'Big Nose' would be more appropriate), and thanks for all your encouragement.

The thing is, I believe in being open to suggestion.

And there have been plenty of times in my life when I have asked for, and received excellent criticism and advice.

ASKED FOR and RECEIVED.

A subtle, but vital, difference.

Sometimes, we need someone to guide us even when we are not aware we have strayed from the path, and someone must intervene.

But in my experience, a true mentor does not start a guiding conversation with the phrase "Wendy, I know more than everyone about everything, especially you......

The major problem I have with the armchair critic is the level of mediocrity such people bring to the table.

The phrase 'Those who can not do, teach' is totally unfounded.

Many who can do, also teach.

And thank God they do.

However the phrase 'Those who can not do, nor can not teach, but think they can anyway' is highly underused.

Jane Austin fans like myself will recognise the attitude of Lady Catherine De Bourgh who said that although she had never played the piano herself, had she learned, she would have been a true proficient.

Armchair critics, people who only ever watch creation to tear it down, who never actually create anything themselves for fear of failure or success, should either get up out of the upholstery or shut the fuck up.

Because it's scary being the one out the front.

It's hard standing there with your soul exposed and your mind on the line waiting to see if anyone understands your crazy.

I'm not only talking about people with 'visions'- although I know a number of those.

I'm talking about people who have an idea about creating something, however small, that they would like to share with others.

I'm talking about people who get up and have a go.

The really strong ones learn to drown out the sound of droning mediocrity and pompous prognostications of the weak and feeble nay sayers whose measurement of excitement is a 10 minute rub and a squirt on the sheets at midnight.

But it's not easy, and it's not always the natural default of the artistic mind.

History is peppered with the bodies of bright lights whose self doubt, combined with the fierce scorn of others, saw them stumble into darkness.

And we all say....."What a shame....what a waste...if only they had known how good they were"
When what we should be saying is...."listen Mr/Ms armchair critic, you fucktard, if you don't like what I am doing here, then take your expendable genome and your graceless found less opinion and fuck off back to nothingness land, 'cause unless you have something to add you are stealing my oxygen".

Or something along those lines.

What ever works for you.

As for me, I am back at the coalface with my soul exposed and my mind on the line yet again.

Wish me luck.