Tag, you're it.

I doubt there are many people who understand the psychology behind attention seeking better than I do.
Hell, it's how I make my living.
And whether it is the subtle nuance of tone and timing in a well considered boardroom presentation, or an out and out grab for the limelight on a stage of egos, when it comes to getting an audience to shut the fuck up and listen while you get your message across, I'm your girl.
See, now that's a plug.
And that's OK, 'cause that's how the system works.
Some one has something to sell, some one has reason to buy, and we use words to facilitate this.
But now, here's the thing.
Getting the message across only happens if you have their attention in the first place.
In the boardroom, or on stage, that's fairly simple.You merely need to be standing in a separate physical space to alert people to your importance- so naturally their eye will follow you for at least 3 seconds, which is how long I think you have to capture and secure your audience.
Piece of piss.
But how about if you are one of a billion voices in a non- physical space such as this one?
The interworld.
A place where with the deft flick of the fingers, you can travel to more destinations and gather more information in an hour than all of recorded history had gathered in 5,000 years.
One of my sons ( Little Pants) has started vlogging- which is like what I am doing here, but with a camera.
Several things I have to say about that.
1) Are the young too lazy to even type ?
2) Do not attempt this if, like me, you tend to feel the need purge your attention valve after a night on the tiles wearing only yesterdays make-up and a t-shirt that smelled clean....enough....and
3) Does anyone else think adding the letter 'V' to things makes words sound vaguely rude?
He is a talented young man this one- another plug- and all of my hundreds of children are (just a boast this one) but I have come to garner a new respect for him when I discovered that in order to achieve more hits on his vlog he tags his work with words designed to attach themselves to the most sought after search words, thus ensuring his success in interworld infamy.
His words are 'Perth' 'Gay' 'Male' and some others I forget.
His older brother (The Big Lad) tells me that anyone searching for Heath Ledger on the Internet will also, at some point, be alerted Little pants' vlog entries.
BRILLIANT !!!
Heath Ledger was, as we remember, a male from Perth who stared in Brokeback Mountain- a story about gay men, so the links are there.......ish......
In much the same way as searching for recipes involving whipped cream can lead you to endless hours of solitary fun watching free porn and wondering why the hell the kitchen is full of smoke, and what happened to the strawberries you were holding.......
We've all been there, and net nannies are next to useless with an information super highway determined to link jelly to genitals and water sports to....well....you know what you'll find.....
So enough of this subtlety when it comes to getting the message out there on the web.
It's time to fight fire with fire, time to put my money where my hot wet, hole is.
No more miss naughty but nice girl.
It's a cat eat cat world out there, and this pussy is ready to fight, tight and hard and long into the wee hours.
No amount of spanking will deter me, I will come multiple times to the battle dressed in nothing but leather and lace carrying enormous jugs of Paris Hilton's Vagina....
See you on the on the wild side babies, and bring that stick of butter and a large rooster with you.