The Fat in The Hat.....

The sun did not shine,
it was too wet to play,
so we sat in the house,
on that hot, hot wet day.
I sat there with Guinness,
we sat there we two,
and I said
"I've forgotten that sky can be blue"
Too wet to go out, too hot to play ball,
I just stared at the tele, mounted onto the wall.
And all I could do was to eat.....eat......eat......eat,
mostly baked goods and snack foods, and bits of red meat.
And then something went BUMP !!!
And that bump made me jump,
I looked and I saw us, just me and the cat,
I looked and I saw us, two mountains of fat,
and he said to me,
"Why do you lay here like that?
I know that your yoghurt is drizzled with honey, but you could eat carrots and save heaps of money"
"I know a good game we could play" Said my cat "I know some good tricks" said Guinness The Fat,
" A lot of good tricks, I will show them to you, from Masterchef Seasons 4,3 and 2"
Then I stumbled for anything useful to say, it was time to get out of the house for the day.
But my fish said " No, no, you should not go away !!! You should stay here at home and read books for the day, you can just stay indoors, you can just laze about, you can stay here and binge eat and add to the stout" 
"Good Grief, time to leave, time to leave" my mind said "Your pets can not talk !!" and I jumped out of bed.
"Why, I will pay someone to help me I think, like a mentor, a guru, or even a shrink"
"TRY THE GYM !!!" said my brain, "that's a great place to play, TRY THE GYM," said my brain, " hell, you already pay" 
This was true then, I thought, for sixteen months now, I had auto paid fees with no sweat on my brow.
So I've called up a guy who makes fitness his living, and he's promised to give me the gift that keeps giving.
He puts me on balls, puts me up in the air, he makes me do movements that mess up my hair.
He jumps up and down, counting backwards from eight, he seems rather hell bent on shifting my weight.
And whilst I am grateful, and full of intention, there's one little secret that's worthy of mention.
The stuff that my animals said isn't crazy, for they know the truth, I'm essentially lazy.